My stomach hurts.

So, so far past the point of despair, I don't even know what to do with myself.
Nothing I do is ever good enough. But it's not like this is some big revelation, so I don't see what the big deal is. Maybe because I just wish it weren't true, but holy fuck.

One of these days I'd really like to win for a change. Not like 'omg winz on teh intarnetz' but like, an actual, real-life win.
Oh Rick Astley, if only you were actually there to not give up on me ever.
That'll be the day.

FUCK

I'm really tired of this hopeless thing. If it turns into despair come tomorrow I'm going to be quite pissed. I have to raise hell in the MSU Admin building too, and me in despair 'raising hell' is going to be the passivest thing ever. I haven't had a rock in so long, and I don't even know how I've survived. Just barely, I reckon, definitely not my full potential, which is sad because there is a lot. But it's just so hard to find the motivation when everything seems to beat me down. I'm hungry but my appetite does not exist, and i don't know what to make of this. Probably just anorexia but oh well. Goddamnit my life. Some days I just can't win.

If tomorrow turns into one of those days of eternal vertigo, I'm just going to crawl in a hole until peak oil. Then with everyone going insane around me, maybe I can finally find peace in my solitude.
lol. if only.

this is pretty boss:

I have to say, I was obscenely disappointed that Michael Jackson did not do the ultimate Thriller this past Halloween, but it's probably for the best. I say, the weather was pretty much perfect- just cool enough and an EPIC wind.

This paper is starting to take over my life. It's either 2 or 3 weeks late, I don't really know which, but Mark basically does not give two shits. Each time I've tried to write it about half-way through I realize "FUCK MY THESIS IS WRONG" and I have to go back and reword everything. Each time my argument(ation) gets stronger and stronger but HOLY SHIT I need to actually be able to finish it one of these days. I mean, this is an argumentative writing class- the goal is to have the strongest argument, right?
I started the outline on this one at the end of September and I still don't have anything resembling a final draft. Huh. The last time I had one like this was when I didn't read 5 of the 6 books it was on, and I still managed to get a B; it's not like I haven't been thinking about this one, the words just come out not the right way each time. It's frustrating.

So I'm finally eligible for a phone upgrade. Too bad T-Mobile/every carrier ever has nothing appealing for new phones. I want the same service for less but they only want to sell me slightly more service for slightly more. I'm really not feeling it, but I am tired of this Blackberry fuckery. Whenever I try to do anything useful on it like sync my calendar, or check my bank account, or figure out where the hell I am on Google Maps, you have to turn it off or pull the battery out. Then, five minutes later, you can send your request while Mister iPhone has already found it. Don't get me wrong, the iPhone does a lot of things well, I just cannot stand touch-screens, or at least not having real buttons, or stupid exclusivity agreements, or having to fuck all around just to do something that should be routine, like hack-up the software to get it to do things for free.
Fuck the subscription model.
I mean, basically every cellphone is a study in compromise, but I don't think I should have to compromise that much just for the vanity of a douche bagso it looks pretty. I don't know, some very narcissistic people I know rant and rave about how they didn't know what they did before having the internet on their phone, but I have to say, if I want to browse the internet, I need to actually be able to SEE what I'm supposed to be LOOKING AT, and a 3-1/2 inch screen doesn't cut it.

Of course, this is the person who feels claustrophobic when using only one monitor. But maybe that's just because I am a computer whore.

This is really bad. I've been sitting here and sitting here but HOLY HELL I have zero motivation to write an argumentative essay about consumption taxes and VAT. It's not due until 6pm tomorrow, and I could probably get an extension to Friday, but do I really want to procrastinate on it until then? No, but do I really want to write it now? Of course not. wowwww

I feel like there should be more in this post, but there isn't!

Lol. I cannot believe this.

Michigan Messenger » Haslett teacher reveals ‘drunk shaming’ by fellow employees

Shared via AddThis

Some days, I am unsure of what to make of life.
That is, it seems that anything and everything tends to occur all at the same time. I don't know if these occurrences will prove problematic, but I can only assume that they will work themselves out in the end.

It's days like these when I feel like I should be high, but happen to be perplexingly sober.
It seems that a space whale is due to manifest like... right now. We'll see- all there is to do is wait.

It's taken me a while to figure out exactly how to word this, but
what seems to get republicans the most bent out of shape is when you make them feel selfish.

It seems that in my past 21 year of life, the only thing I have to look forward to in regards to my father is let-down. I wish it weren't so, but holding onto this last bit of hope hurts more than the reality itself.

I don't know what it is today- I just feel so lost like I'm falling off the face of the earth. Falling and falling, it's like a constant, blinding vertigo- except my eyes are working perfectly. I'm falling and falling but I don't know where to. I know, my inaction probably isn't helping, but I just don't know where to begin.

Is it peculiar that I am usually relieved when someone I swap numbers with doesn't return my calls? I don't know- it always seems like the pretty ones get to know me initially and want to know more, but when they see that I have a (crazy) brain they just run without any explanation. Idk, I think it's rather tasteless just cutting off all contact with someone without at least providing a reason, but that's not how I roll [for the most part now, at least- no comment on the past lol.] It probably doesn't help that I have a humongous inferiority complex but still- it's infuriating but relieving. One of these days, maybe I'll cut this shit out or find a freak like with me, someone with *gasp* a morality.

21 is really not that exciting. Buying liquor before now was incredibly thrilling and now it's just... uneventful albeit convenient. Also I remember now why I don't like drinking- it just randomly turns off parts of one's brain. I mean being fair it blows that whole inferiority thing out of the water but I can't decide if it's actually worth it. Probably is, albeit in moderation.

Maybe I should study for these exams I have today. hm.

And please come in peace we beseech you
Only a landing will teach them,
Our earth may never survive-
So come, we beg you
Please interstellar policeman-
Oh won't you give us a sign,
Give us a sign, that we've reached you?

fuck livejournal.

http://synergeticillusions.blogspot.com

If anyone could explain this to me, that would be great:


Perhaps this question is more appropriate for a certain Vicar.

Like, I can understand Verka, but a fucking turkey?
The UK should not qualify by default after that piece of shit that came out their mouths last year.
Also, Charlotte Perrelli looks like that cat woman that got all that work done to look like some fucking feline.


On a better note, it's about damn time Kylie released X in the states.

Rihanna looks like the robot from Metropolis: hmmm.

There's something about standing in the incontinence aisle in Meijer's with my grandma that seems to exhude humility. I saw the Cheese-brow driving yesterday wearing the biggest, blackest sunglasses I have ever seen in my entire life. The contrast was quite amazing against her white white WHITE skin. Needless to say I died laughing. I watched this exact episode of Mary Tyler Moore in italian at my grandparents house last night: This shit is bananas.

It's nice when I've frantically written an essay 2 hours before it's due to find that I got a 99 on it. I don't know, this week has been fucked up. In more ways than in just the obvious. I'm tired. Maybe I should stop smoking. Alternatively, maybe I should just smoke more.

Things planned for SB '08:
-The BANG!
-Downtown Detroit
-Reefer Madness
-Psychadelia Stereo
-The DIA
-Random bouts of epicness

Needless to say, this will be one kickass f-book album.
Or maybe even TWO!
Either way, I'm super pumped.  And really not in the mood for politics, surprisingly.

I think I'm going to write some bullshit into the Bullsheet today.  Because why not?

I feel like I need to be lame here and post some MP3.

Beethoven sounds like, absolutely AMAZING right now. Seriously, when I close my eyes, the 9th symphony sounds like... it feels like... it's... an ATOMIC ORGASM.

Sometimes, I feel like I should quite while I'm ahead.
Then again, sometimes I can't help myself but to smear the shit all around on someone elses windshield.
I think the term for this is schadenfreude.

I discovered mexican radio today while driving around in Granville. 103.1 FM, I think. Maybe it's 103.3, but seeing as I was driving, and therefore in my car, and therefore burning incense, and therefore in some state of euphoria, my sense of numbers might be slightly misleading.

Seriously, beam me up homeland:


This might be better:

I have learned something today.

There is absolutely nothing to do at Denison at 5:30am.


Das ist ein Travestie.

You're a Queer One, Julie Jordan.
WOW.

this is far too amusing.


BWUHUHUHUHUHUHUUHUUUU
THERE'S AN ENTIRE SERIES OF THESE!
THANK GOD FOR KARAOKE MACHINES/MIDI!!~!~!~!!!~!



She reminds me of Liesel in The Sound of Music.
bwuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh


WHY AM I SO HIGH?